Friday, October 30, 2009

I have to do something about this sleep schedule. I cannot be going to sleep at 5am and waking up at 1pm. I should be going to sleep at midnight and getting up around 8 (which is still late by 'real world' standards). It is a really hard cycle to break though, especially when that midnight rolls around but you're just in the middle of something, not sleepy or tired in the least and can't make yourself go to sleep (partially because you feel guilty for having had done nothing so far with the day). Then comes the weekend and i feel like i shouldn't have to follow a 9-5 because it's finally the weekend.

Anyway, so obviously, this is another unspeakably late start to the day. Most people are in this coffee shop are stopping in after their day at work. The trouble i'm having (and this generally applies to more things than just this) is how not to make myself feel like absolute shit and a total failure while simultaneously keeping myself disciplined. I'm having trouble defining this line.

Thursday, October 29, 2009


Had a phone convo with my old friend Lee tonight. We had had a mini fall out earlier this summer. Right after he visited me in Ithaca, for reasons i couldn't figure out at the time (and still can't, really) he got really mad at me and said that i used him and didn't want to talk to me. (I can only assume that my evil ex roommate had something to do with it since they became FB friends after his visit and she has poisoned every other friendship of mine she's come in contact with.) Anyway, 4 months later he randomly texted me last week asking me why i disappeared from his life (to which, of course, i was like WTF?!) Well, to make a long story of many back-and-forth texts short, we talked and realized we're still friends, and decided i'd go down and visit him sometime. We're now trying to figure out a time when i can come see him in Philly where he is. I don't really have a reliable car right now, but it turns out parking sucks in his hood anyway. This was a good thing though, because we checked out bus options instead and holy shit, are they cheap. They're like $8.50 each way, and trains are even cheaper around $5 (though not as direct). His house is his own that he bought, so he says i can come hang out and stay for as long as i'd like. So this trip is projected to take place sometime during the month of November (mom is leaving for Japan in early December for several months, so it'll be a good way to avoid her evil powers for at least part of the time til then).

This traveling thing might be turning into a habit, but i hope it's a healthy one. It thankfully isn't the most detrimentally expensive one if i consider i'm saving on rent right now, and it's good to take advantage of my current flexible schedule while i can.

(The rest of this entry may be repetitive to you - just needed to vent and think out loud while i was on the topic.)

The night before Lee texted me, Adam texted me in a very similar fashion (it was a weird week). Now apparently he misses me and i'm dear to him and mean so much to him, etc. etc. Back 4 months ago, he bitched me out, ostracized me, defriended me on FB, treated me like shit, and left me out in the cold when i needed him the most, and now he's back out of the blue telling me all this stuff, even sending me a (re-)friends request on FB as though nothing ever happened. I just don't even know what to think or say or do. Part of me wants to slap him across the face and spit in it, and part of me really wants to talk things through and make up and salvage anything i can because i know how much it'll mean to me to recover one of my lost friendships from grad school and how that would heal me (and he seems he wants that too). But then, it hurts to think of how much i feel like i'm betraying myself if i were to do this. I do not know what to do. What is the appropriate/normal/expected course of action that one would take in a situation like this?

Because this image always amuses me. (photo credit: lolcats)

This is the pumpkin I'm going to carve! It's Eric from HBO's True Blood. I combined a couple of photos from the webs and tweaked them in Illustrator (thank you Live Trace) until it looked awesome. I will post the carved pumpkin when I'm done!
Today i got the car key and escaped from the evil clutches of my mother.

At the coffee shop, i tended to a number of emails that were overdue, and i also worked on finalizing my email to the ex (who apparently responded to my initial email, and has also now asked Dana about me, so this task is now pressing).

I am now chilling on Howie's couch, trying to gather the gumption to finish up and send this email.

I am contemplating sleeping over here because i don't really want to go home.

Starting tomorrow, i still begin my day with an entry here with all the things i intend to accomplish that day.

Cheers to us!


Today I applied for my master's degree and started a fire in the fireplace. Ooh and I got dressed.

I may or may not carve pumpkins later?